Memories
by Metal Angel Clover
Summary: Matthew is remembering Leila... And he finds comfort in an odd place; in a girl who can understand his pain, and who has some emotional scars herself...


Hello again! I apologize for not updating or posting new stuff for quite a while; in between school finals, moving, transferring schools, painting my room and unpacking, I haven't had time to write. I hope I didn't lose any "fans" by doing that (not that I had any fans to begin with).

This fic is Ananda/Matthew, and for those who haven't read my fics before; Ananda is the tactician in FE. I actually gave her a name and a personality. This is a fic I decided to write after I watched some sappy romance movies, played FE directly afterward and then went to sleep. So basically this idea was a product of my rather deranged mind. Also, I did this fic for two reasons other than my rather-unstable psyche; I feel sorry for Ananda because the tactian never gets any romance and because I felt sorry for Matthew as well because Leila died. I know there are some die-hard Matthew/Leila fans, but I have news for you; she's dead. So I'm pairing Matthew up with Ananda. Deal with it. Oh, and by the way, Ananda does not represent me in any way. She's the tactician, not me. I just said that to clear up some rumors. (Also, Ananda almost killed me with Hector's Wolf Beil when she found out that people were mistaking me for her...)

Anway, try to enjoy this fic, even though it's my first romance fic ever.

Really, really try!

I know you can do it.

And please review, it makes me feel wanted and encourages me to update and write more. -

(Yes, that was pathetic, so?)

**Memories**

**by the-finally-off-hiatus-Metal Angel Clover**

**Matthew sat in the shadows of one of the pillars in the large Ostian throne room, his brown eyes half-closed as he watched the flames in the fireplace leap and crackle, sending sparks everywhere. The moon was peeking in the window at the almost empty hall, painting some of the tiles blue with moonlight. Everyone else was sleeping in the guest bedrooms; exhausted from the battle with Nergal and the Flame Dragon, and Matthew had done more than his share of work in that fight. But tonight sleep was evading him, and instead memories, both comforting and painful, were invading his mind and removing any thought of sleep. **

**"Leila..."**

**He missed her so much. Every day he thought about her; her red hair and keen eyes, her grin whenever she saw him, the love they had shared. But that was all over now. Any hope of a future together had died when an assasin's knife had killed her, executed her at an order from his superior.**

**Jaffar. His love's murderer. Every time he had looked at the cold-eyed assasin, Matthew had found himself plotting ways to end his life. One time he had the chance; the exact right moment...**

_**-**_

_**Matthew dodged nimbly as a general hurled his javelin at him. Grinning, he yelled"Oh, come on! I'm a lowly thief! Surely a great general like yourself can defeat me."**_

_**Huffing with anger and exertion, the general retrieved his fallen weapon and raised his hand to try again.**_

_**Shing!**_

_**The general looked puzzled for a brief moment, then fell dead at Matthew's feet. Without a change in expression, Jaffar sheathed his twin blades. Matthew's eyes narrowed angrily.**_

_**"You killed him easily. But not as easily as when you cut down Leila, hm?"**_

_**"..." Jaffar didn't answer; he just turned to walk away.**_

_**Then the Angel of Death fell to his knees, a silver arrow embedded deep in his chest, blood already staining his gray tunic and cape. Matthew looked around furtively. No one appeared to have noticed yet. Here was his chance to kill Jaffar, to avenge Leila. He drew his knife silently and swiftly. One stab in the back of his neck would be enough, no more would be needed. He bent over Jaffar, as if trying to help him, but his knife was at the assasin's neck, almost to the skin...**_

_**"Jaffar!"**_

_**Matthew jerked the knife away and backed up a pace, looking around to see who had called out. Nino ran up, her blue eyes full of concern. "You're wounded, Jaffar!" She fished around in her pockets, saying,"I know I have a vulnerary in here somewhere... Oh, where is it..."**_

_**Matthew gazed at the small girl searching wildly for the healing item, saying all the while,"I packed it in here today just in case you got injured."**_

_**Jaffar raised a hand to stop the young mage from looking any longer. "... I'm fine... Nino... Save it... for yourself..." he muttered in his slower way of speaking.**_

_**Nino cried"No! I have to help you!"**_

_**Suddenly a vulnerary was thrust into her face and she heard a muffled"Here." She looked up to see Matthew striding swiftly away across the battlefield. She waved happily. **_

_**"Thank you, Matthew!"**_

_**Matthew cursed himself silently as he walked. 'Dammit Matthew, why did you give her the vulnerary? Why? You should have killed him when she wasn't looking.'**_

_**But, in the back of his mind, he had the distinct feeling that he couldn't have killed Jaffar. Just to see the heartbroken look on Nino's face would have haunted him forever...**_

_**-**_

**Matthew shook his head wearily and massaged his forehead. "Leila... Did I betray you when I didn't kill Jaffar..?" He leaned backward, closing his eyes and enjoying the warmth the fire was giving off, even though it was getting smaller by the minute. The memories were dying down as well, and hope of sleep was returning. **

**Closing his eyes, Matthew was almost asleep when he heard a soft sound, like footsteps padding down a hallway. He opened his eyes and watched as a small figure wearing a green cloak and white night-clothes hurried into the room and stoked the fire. The person turned slightly; brown, unbrushed shaggy hair falling in her face and partially hiding gray eyes.**

**Matthew raised an eyebrow, a little surprised. 'It's Ananda... What's she doing up this late?' He watched as the young tactician knelt in front of the fireplace, putting her chilled hands out as if to catch the warmth in her palms. She sat shivering for a while, watching the flames as Matthew had been a few minutes ago. After a few minutes she reached into the cloak's pocket and pulled out a small flute. Matthew frowned, puzzled. 'Wait, since when can Ananda play the flute?' Suddenly he remember how almost every night in the camp he had heard the sound of a flute playing faintly. He had always thought that he was just imagining it (or Hector had spiked his tea again), but apparently he had been wrong.**

**Ananda blew into the flute, then took a deep breath and started playing a soft, haunting melody, the echoes of the notes filling the large room. Matthew found himself enjoying the music, almost against his will. As she continued to play, Matthew lost track of time and his knife, which he always was holding, slipped out of his fingers and clattered to the floor. Ananda abruptly stopped playing and leaped to her feet, looking around wildly. "Who's there?" She held her flute as if it was a weapon of mass destruction instead of a small piece of ivory. "I-I have friends who'll make you sorry if you hurt me."**

**"I would be more scared if I hadn't known that they're all asleep."**

**Ananda sat down hard on the ground, seething, but relieved. She knew that voice all too well. "Matthew! What the hell are you doing, sneaking around like that!"**

**Matthew picked up his knife and walked out of the shadows. "For your information, I was enjoying the fireplace until you came in and blocked the heat from reaching me."**

**Ananda rolled her eyes. "As if. That fireplace is twice Hector's size, and I'm small for my age anyway."**

**Matthew grinned. "Which is what, fifteen?" He knew all too well that Ananda was seventeen, same as him. But she was small-boned and a little shrimpy, and she was fiercely defensive about it.**

**Ananda crossed her arms and glared at him. "What is with you and Guy?" **

**Matthew tilted his head, both amused and a tad irritated. "What do you mean? Since when am I just like Guy?"**

**Ananda sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "You two are always making fun of me; of my looks, of my size, everything!"**

**Matthew frowned. "Of your looks?" He said nothing to dispell the second accusation; he knew he and Guy had teased her quite a bit about her height. And, he hated to admit it, but she was rather pretty. She wasn't stunningly beautiful like Priscilla or the Pegasus sisters, but she had a certain charm about her all the same.**

**Ananda looked away, her eyes angry. "Yeah." She turned to face the fireplace once more, apparently trying to give him the cold shoulder.**

**Matthew sat down next to her, feeling a little bit guilty. "Hey, I'm sorry..." Ananda looked at him.**

**"Are you feeling okay? You never apologize for anything."**

**Now it was Matthew's turn to roll his eyes. "Oh, come on. I can't be that heartless." Ananda shrugged and resumed staring into the fireplace. For a few minutes they sat there, both of them with their own thoughts.**

**Then Ananda cleared her throat. "Ahem... Well, what were you doing before I came in?"**

**Matthew replied, "I already told you; I was enjoying the fireplace."**

**Ananda shook her head. "No no, I mean, what were you thinking about?"**

**Matthew didn't answer for a moment, then he whispered, "I was thinking about... Leila."**

**Ananda winced, knowing that was a touchy subject with Matthew. "Oh... I'm sorry... I... I should have been able to save her..."**

**Matthew blinked, not sure he had heard right. "What? Are you saying that you blame yourself for Leila's death?" When Ananda didn't answer, he continued, "She was killed at the Dread Isle before we even arrived. There was no way you could have saved her."**

**Ananda whispered"Maybe... if we had arrived sooner in time to stop them... Maybe if I had pushed us to go faster..."**

**Matthew couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Ananda, there was no way for you to have known that was going to happen. If anyone's to blame, it's Jaffa" Here he paused, took a deep breath and started again. "If anyone's to blame, it's... Nergal. Not you." He paused again, hating himself for what he was about to say. "Not... Not Jaffar. It's Nergal's fault."**

**Ananda closed her eyes. "I kept telling myself that, but I feel responsible for all of you guys; for everyone in our little army. If they're injured, it's my fault. If they are sad or scared, I'm to blame for it. The well-being of our army is... was... on my shoulders."**

**Matthew sighed. "You shouldn't take all of that on yourself. That's too much for one person to handle."**

**Ananda shrugged. "If you were in my position, you wouldn't say that."**

**Matthew shook his head. "I don't think so... Ananda?"**

**"Hm?"**

**"Lyndis found you unconscious on the plains of Sacae. What I'm wondering is; how did that happen?"**

**Ananda took a deep breath. "It's a long story..."**

**TO BE CONTINUED**

Well? What did you think? I thought it went pretty well; please review and tell me how it is! I don't know how this will be received... I don't expect miracles.

Oh well.

-Metal Angel Clover


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